It's High Time to Bring Back the Shed

I was reading an article in the local paper about two 16 year old boys who have been bound over for trial for abducting, beating and raping two teenaged girls. I couldn't help but think about how much we as a society spend on feeding, clothing and housing these wastes of existence and wondered why people keep doing this stuff.

Then it dawned on me: People are, of course, animals. Hell, we've only had about 10,000 years of domestication. Dogs have been human companions for at least 25,000 years and they still attack and kill their owners at times and they're not nearly as smart as we are. (Then again, if you think about it, they get free food and shelter for the cost of a little stick chasing. Not bad for "unintelligent animals". But I digress...)

The point is, we need something much more effective than housing criminals. Prisons are just breeding grounds for creating more capable felons. Recidivism (that's being arrested again after being released from prison) in the U.S. runs between 60 and 80%. Obviously, as a deterrence to crime, prison holds no fear for anyone.

So my proposal in my more lucid moments is to bring back the Shed.

Way back in my youth, we talked in hushed and frightful tones about being taken "behind the shed". This was always where punishment was meted out by a wide, leather belt to the behind for a number of strokes in proportion to the severity of the transgression. It was something to avoid. It was something to fear.

That kind of fear is what needs to be instilled in the minds of the public who decide to transgress the laws of the land. Prison is uncomfortable but it's not designed to be PAINFUL. The human animal is designed to avoid pain. Pain HURTS. It's nature's way of saying "Don't do this!". It's basic and elementary. It impacts the animal in everyone and every living thing. Inflict pain and that memory lingers.

Of course, beating a dog has to be done quickly because the lesson - why they're getting beaten - doesn't correlate well if there's been a long period of time between the transgression and the punishment unless the punishment is meted out with a reminder of what not to do (Like rubbing the dog's nose in the mess it made). With people, it's a little different, to some extent. The human animal is able to know why it's being punished even years after the fact, but sometimes that's not quite enough.

So let's bring back the shed, only put it on television and make it a public affair. Sell tickets, or even have free admission to the viewing public. I'd make it mandatory viewing at least once a year if someone wants to drive or register to vote. (I'm pretty sure the registering to vote thing would be problematic, but you could add it as a requirement for driving, vehicle registration or any other thing that's done annually.) This way EVERYONE sees it. EVERYONE knows what will happen when you transgress society: You're taken "behind the shed" by Uncle Sam, who beats the living crap out of you, and maybe beats some sense INTO you.

But why make Uncle Sam the heavy in this? Yes, these people transgress the laws of society, so society can exact its punishment, but these transgressions, more often than not, involve real, actual people. Certainly those two teenaged girls are real people deserving of their full share of justice - if not retribution.

So my proposal is further modified to include a mandatory minimum number of lashes, with the victim(s) of the convicted criminal meting out their measure until they feel justice has been served.

Now, to keep this from turning into a bloodbath, there ARE some limits to this (I'm not THAT much of an animal... Well, yes I am, but I like to be somewhat reasonable about it.). First of all, we create a lashing machine that can be calibrated to the physiology of the criminal so that regardless of how many times they're lashed, no permanent damage (maybe just scarring) will ever result. Limits would be placed on it to keep anyone from actually dying.

Another limit would be to keep the lashes to once every five seconds, instead of incessantly beating them over and over without a pause.

But the goal of the machine would be to inflict a measured and rational amount of pain on the criminal per stroke.

Finally, to make this "humane", we can establish a metric whereby someone beaten receives a maximum amount of pain with a minimum amount of lasting physical damage.

The simple fact is that humans require a great deal of incentive to change their ways. We are creatures of habit and if we get into the habit of being utter asses, then we will be asses until we come up with good reasons not to be like that. Pain is how creatures big and small avoid doing things that inflict that pain. People aren't terribly bright most of the time, but USUALLY they can figure out that if X behavior results in Y pain, they will stop doing X behavior.

So I say bring back the Shed. Bring back that terrifying time behind the shed for everyone convicted of a crime regardless of age. They WILL LEARN not to do that again. It's an instinctive act to avoid pain. If our penal system was as catering to our instincts as it is to our sensibilities, we'd never, ever have another repeat offender.