Once upon a time there were urban crickets: Car alarms that went off whenever some mouse three counties away hiccuped. We'd get to listen to the various tones for a wonderful 20 minutes that would lull us to sleep, not really caring that someone may have gotten their car broken into. The "boy who cried wolf" factor made us pretty much not care by the time we heard a car alarm go off for the 10,000th time.
But today, we have new urban crickets. Only in this case, they're locusts. They swarm, invade, destroy and move on to swarm, invade and destroy somewhere else. You hear them all the time, at all hours of the day and night - the constant throbbing of their wings making your ears ring, your body shake and your mind turn to green Jello.
These locusts are those boom boxes on wheels you see kids and some adults who should know better driving around in. You hear them coming. You feel them as they go by. The kids think they're being "cool", and I can't say what the hell the adults who do this nonsense are thinking. In their case, I think their higher brain areas have been liquified by too many decibels and they're just brain-dead morons moving on instinct.
In case you haven't gotten it yet, I hate these things. I loathe and despise them - and you should, too. Why's that? Simple: THEY'RE HARMING YOUR HEARING!
Have you ever been in a movie theater and wondered why the sound was so LOUD? In part, it's to drown out the inconsiderate bastard on his cell phone, or who seems to think a darkened theater is the perfect place to explain their views on life, the universe and everything to anyone who is within shouting distance, but increasingly it's because the idiot sound checker is some kid who just got out of a vehicle whose sound system was set at a level exceeding FAA regulations for jet-aircraft noise limits on residential area take-offs and landings.
This is NOT hyperbole. I mean it. The FAA has a thing called DNL, which is the Day-Night Average Sound Level, which takes the noise of an airport's activity over a 24 hour period. It's then averaged. That limit is 65 decibels. The sound levels from the bass inside these cars in which people often spend hours per day can exceed 130 decibels and average over 100.
You can safely listen to these levels for... Well, never. Anything over 80 means you are experiencing damage to your hearing. Repeated damage to your hearing becomes permanent. If you experience 100 decibels, you can "safely" listen for 15 minutes, but that's only before you start to experience PERMANENT damage. Anything above 80 is unsafe.
A freight train going by at 15 meters is 80 decibels.
Way too many people out there are hearing impaired, and they don't even know it.
Don't believe me? Check out this article that says there are far more people in America who are hearing impaired than previously thought. Upwards of 20% of Americans have enough hearing impairment to cause problems with oral communications.
Is all of this due to the urban locusts we call boom boxes on wheels? In the case of young people, almost certainly. They're the ones who are at rock concerts and then listen to that music incessantly and loudly in their cars afterwards.
If you think your kids aren't listening to you, it's probably because they're stone-cold DEAF from exposure to loud music.
Now, I'm all for people using ear buds and blowing out their own hearing. After all, an iPad ear bud can hit 117 decibels. Darwin and all that makes me fine with it. If they want to destroy their own hearing and reduce the chances that they'll hear approaching disaster (like stepping in front of traffic when they think it's not coming because they don't hear it), I'm down with that. It's okay to remove your stupid genes from the gene pool.
When it comes to spreading your music out and about like locusts, no, I can't say that I approve of your attempts to fuck up MY hearing along with yours. To highlight this, allow me to regale you with an incident from my past.
I recall a time that some young punk was sitting across the street from my place, being all "street" and "gangsta" with his bad self. His stereo was so loud the toy soldiers on my shelves were marching all by themselves. I walked across the street and stood outside of his peripheral vision (yes, he had rear-view mirrors. No, apparently, while parked, he doesn't notice movement in them). I stood, being pummeled by the vibrations of his sound system for a few moments, trying to think of the most effective way of demonstrating his anti-survival of the fittest actions for a good fifteen or twenty seconds. Then I pulled out my Leatherman tool, (love those things), put the blunt end against his neck and shouted BANG! as loud as I could.
He suddenly had a new sunroof.
When he turned down the music to shout at me, I said to him, "If you're into the gangsta lifestyle, I'd think that the more you can hear around you when you're sitting in your car, the more likely you'll be to hear when someone is actually sneaking up on you to bust a cap in your ear."
He never played his music loud around my place again.
So my advice to all of you idiots out there fucking up your hearing for the sake of looking bad-ass, no girl wants to be shouting at you to get you to hear her. You might actually like to hear her moan (or tell you to stop doing that) when you're having sex with her. And you'll DEFINITELY live longer if you can hear what the hell is going on around you.
So turn it down, sucka. You don't look nearly as bad-assed as you think you do - especially when you're constantly saying "eh?" like your grandfather does when he can't hear anything, either.
