March Of The Penguins

There is a style of dress popularized by the Black culture and picked up by wanna-be Blacks called "saggy pants". It originated in prisons mostly due to the fact prisoners were issued pants a size or two too large and prisoners, for obvious reasons, can't have belts. It was picked up by the hip-hop crowd and of course anything some moronic celebrity wears is automatically copied by the brainless among us.

But WHY do they wear this style?

All I can figure is that the people who wear these things are gay. Not to say they're fashion-morons, but actually homosexual. Here's my reasoning.

Virtually every time you see one of these saggy pants wearers, they're with someone of the same gender who is ALSO wearing saggy pants. Usually in medium-sized groups. Now, I don't know any woman who finds this kind of dress sexually attractive. I mean MOST women usually go for guys who don't need help dressing themselves. I can't count the number of women I've seen who laugh behind these guy's backs. So this style of dress is obviously NOT to attract women. Not being gay, I had to then ponder why they'd do it.

Style? No, men's styles are used to attract women, not make them point, laugh and walk in the other direction.

Gang "style"? No, saggy pants make you trip and fall over when you run, so they're not exactly great attire for evading the police.

Imitation of a "celebrity"? Possibly, but that would NORMALLY end when said imitator consistently found themselves without a sexual partner. As mentioned, women think this style is pretty damn stupid. A celebrity can get away with it because they're rich and don't give a shit about what other people do to imitate them.

An unusual homage to penguins? Granted, when guys dressing like this run, they look much like a penguin, but they're also holding onto their crotch, which kind of ruins the illusion. So they look sort of like a one-winged penguin trotting along.

Then it occurred to me that the only reason left is that it's an invitation for guys to look at their butts. I mean, they're usually in a group of guys. Girls sure as hell aren't looking. Styles are used to attract sexual partners (usually women) and women don't go for that style. Granted, it's POSSIBLE that this style is worn to attract penguins, I suppose, but given that there aren't that many penguins out there in the streets where this style is usually seen, and there hasn't really been that much of an up-tick in guys wearing this style exclusively at zoos or aquariums, I have serious doubts about the penguin attraction theory.

Now, it must be pointed out that this style is popularly THOUGHT to have been started by a homosexual in prison who wore his pants low to indicate he was ready for a sexual encounter with anyone. While that's not really the case, this is the most prevailing myth surrounding the origins of the style. This is what the guys who wear that style likely think.

So it must be to tell people they're ready for a sexual encounter from anyone. Since they almost always hang out in gangs and women aren't usually around them, the "anyone" has to be one of their posse. Their posse is a bunch of guys. So they're saying they're ready for a sexual encounter from one of the guys around them.

So the guys who wear this style are gay. QED

Now, there is a lot of hate toward this style. Many communities have moved to ban it. Many have said it's their constitutional right to offend people. Inasmuch as it's not my thing, I have to say I think it should NOT be outlawed. After all, we should know who the sheep in the world are - even the gay ones. Besides, they provide an opportunity to find humor as one laughs at them as they run across the street, or gets brought down by an arthritic cop because their style kept them from running fast enough to get away. Women, too, find the style amusing since they howl with laughter after one of these "bad boys" walks by.

After all, every generation has some moronic style they will be terribly embarrassed by later on in life. My generation had Hippie/Disco. The next one had "Goth" and clothes from a blender (the style that had rips and tears). This generation has styles that make them walk funny and be unattractive to the opposite sex. It's their constitutional right to be horribly embarrassed twenty years from now. And they will be.

I think that's punishment enough, but I'm sure their kids will come up with something that's just as repugnant to THEM as what they did to their folks.