Why Kids First Isn't The Best Policy

Disclaimer: I don't have kids. I don't like kids. I don't want kids. 'Nough said.

There is a push in the land of America to put all kids "first". Now, in principle, I understand this concept. Raise a child in the best possible environment with all of the love and affection they can stand to make a better human adult. The trouble is, it's bullshit.
More to the point, it's gone way too far. Parents are indulging their little monsters to the point of raising a self-absorbed, pouty, self-indulgent, whiny, little turd for whom the words "discipline" and "responsibility", not to mention "courtesy" and "respect", mean nothing. Failure is always an option in the great competition for status, money, and power we call life, but heaven forbid someones' little angel 'fail' at something for fear of bruising their fragile, little egos. The parents become indignant that their underachieving brat is shown to the world to be, well, an underachieving brat, and storm the bastions of education we call "public school" with a demand that their adorable idiot be allowed to pass.

Life doesn't work that way.

And speaking of public education, let's look at how the concept of "no child left behind" has fucked up the entire U.S. educational system.

Despite the desire on the parts of do-gooders to believe otherwise, children are, indeed, like adults. In other words, you have bright ones and dumb ones. Don't talk to me about their "potential". Everyone "potential" is set in stone the moment they're born. A dumb kid IS going to work retail, at best. (Unless they're born into a family with political connections in which case, they'll be called "Bush" and babysat throughout their careers by older puppet-masters, but I digress...). A smart kid MIGHT work retail. That's about the only sure difference. But in that narrow maze of smart and dumb, there is a wide gap in mental ability - which means the smart ones will do very well in school and the dumb ones can't. So how do you keep from leaving anyone behind? You have to dummy it all down so the dumb ones can keep up.

Looking over at the smart ones while all this dummying down is going on, they're no longer engaged in the lessons. When they're spinning differential equations in their head but the material is still mastering one plus one for the idiots in the classes, they're going to lose interest. And when the smart ones have no chance to out-perform the dumb ones with special rewards for outstanding achievement, their eventual arrival in the land of retail becomes more likely. Positive reinforcement is the best way to teach. But when everyone gets a reward regardless of their level of work in order to not single out the idiots in the class who can't really compete to avoid damaging their sense of self esteem, the whole concept of a reward goes out the window.

And let's not kid ourselves about rewards here. If you take an outstanding student and give them "something" for their achievement, then give "something else" to the other, under-preforming kids, you just undermined that reward for outstanding achievement. It's tainted because it's no longer a unique event. People try to kid themselves that differing the reward has any positive impact on the child. Imagine an Olympics were everyone got medals “just for trying”. It degrades the accomplishments of the winners. That decreases the incentive to “win”.

Everyone can't be winners all the time.

So what happens is that you have a whole generation of people who were raised in an environment where no one was allowed to fail, who are then thrust into the real world where failure is always an option? You get a shit-ton of pathetic whiners. Is it any wonder that the products of this environment enjoy movies and celebrities exhibiting nihilistic, self-absorbed, self-indulgent, pouty natures? (Like Vampires, werewolves and Lindsey Lohan).

The bottom line is that kids need to be shown the consequences of failure at a time when failure doesn't mean putting them on the streets, in a hospital, in rehab or in jail like it does in the real world. Kids need to be shown that making a mistake has consequences - real ones - and to show that failure is one of the best teaching methods to actually learn something of value. Flunk them if they don't do the work. Hold them back in grade level if they aren't applying themselves or lack the mental ability to go on. Don't dummy down the material but brain it up to the highest point that the child can stand. Challenge them to excel and hold them to that expectation. Failure should have consequences worth avoiding, but also should be shown to be an opportunity to learn.

And for heaven's sake, stop giving out awards for finger-painting, citizenship and other BS garbage where everyone is intended to feel good about failing. Failure should hurt. Fail big, it should hurt big. And when you win big, well, in life the fact is, when you win big, the congratulations only last a short time, so teach them to keep reaching for their goals. Winning should be its own reward and the way people are taught should be geared toward that idea.

The idea here is to teach responsibility and discipline. Teach kids how to THINK, not just how to take tests and "not fail". Everyone fails - some more than others and some bigger than others. Someone wins and that win is recognized until someone else wins. Teaching that failure is always an option will help people learn discipline and responsibility. You don't always win with a sense of responsibility and self-discipline, but you are far more likely to fail without them.

It may go against the grain of the do-gooders to teach this to kids, but the truth is, life leaves people behind. Education by idealistic slogan is a failure for both the child and society. LEAVE some behind and let society deal with them. If the ones who are going to get ahead are encouraged to do so, they may actually do something for those left behind. But when those who are better than those who would be left behind are treated the same as those who would be left behind, they lose interest. Mediocrity becomes the new "best". And society suffers all the more for it.

What's worse, kids today (at least those I've encountered all over the country in America), are, by and large, the rudest little shits on the planet. They are self-absorbed, self-entitled, self-indulgent monsters running amok with the parents looking on with apparent delight in their child's inability to get along with anyone else. Apparently, parents today (at least most of them, it seems) believe that being respectful and courteous toward others is some kind of handicap. It's not "being strong and independent" in their eyes.
A strong person doesn't need to prove they're strong and being discourteous, rude, whiny little shits in public only tells me that there is yet another asshole on the freeway, bully in the classroom, back-stabbing fucker at work and a bar-fight to be in the making. It also tells me that the parents should have been "fixed" before they had kids because these asocial creatures, and likely their get, will do little to nothing to contribute to the human race in any way whatsoever.

Wastes of DNA.

Children need discipline. They need structure. They need limits. It's not going to bruise their little egos if you, as a parent, impose a little of each. Just keep in mind the word, "moderation".

Discipline for a child includes two things: Punishment and reward. Punishment MUST be painful, but applied proportionately and not always physically. Rewards should be very small for small things and very large for large things. There can be only a few absolutes. The idea is to teach your child that hard work is most often rewarded and doing bad things is most often punished.

And above all, this has to start EARLY in the child's life. Suddenly being confronted by a mouthy, disrespectful tween isn't an accident. It's negligence on the part of the parent. Being independent doesn't mean being rude or discourteous.

I DO believe in spanking a child, but I don't believe in HITTING one. Spanking is to be reserved for the worst things a child does, and must always be accompanied by other lesser punishments like grounding, denial of access to favored toys, enforced curfews, etc. A spanking is most effective when it is meted out sparingly, preceded by a talk explaining what's coming and why, giving the child time to think about it, then administering the punishment and reinforcing the lesson with another talking to afterward. It is the epitome of punishments, one meant to instill fear of it in the child and is to be used only when all other punishments have failed.

If they still act out, sell them to gypsies or put them in a burlap bag and drown them like kittens. They'll bring you nothing but misery the rest of your life, otherwise.

In all seriousness, kids must have structure and limits, be taught self discipline, respect and manners. They must learn to do this for everyone, and not just a favored few. That means the PARENTS need to do it, too, because nothing fucks up a kid's head like being told one thing by their parents then seeing them do something entirely different.

They resent the hypocrisy, even if they don't know that it's called hypocrisy. If you tell the kid not to lie, never lie to them. If you teach them to keep promises, keep your promises to them (and others, for that matter). YOU set the standard of THEIR behavior, and they will do what you do. If you don't like what you see in your kid, chances are, others don't like what they see in you. If people don't like what they see in you, you can bet your last dollar they hate your kids because they act the same way as you do.

If you have the attitude, "Kids will be kids", you're dead wrong. Kids will be ADULTS, and a hell of a lot sooner than you think. If people are bitching about your little angels, you have a problem and you can see who caused it in the damn mirror.

The purpose of having kids isn't a trophy for you to parade around. It isn't to fulfill some inexplicable need or hole in YOUR life (because 18 years later, that hole is there again when they leave the nest, and you've solved nothing). It isn't an "accomplishment" to be proud of since just about everyone on EARTH does it at some point, many doing it way too often.

The purpose of having kids is to prepare the human race for the next generation. That means teaching them how to get along, cooperate, think, reason, work as an individual and work together. THAT'S how mankind made it as far as we have. And that's the ONLY way mankind will survive our technologically-laced adolescence.
Kids first isn't the best policy because it puts mankind and the planet behind them. Put mankind and the planet first, raise your kids up right to become contributing and welcome members of our society and they will go and do things for which you CAN be justifiably proud.